Living | Personal Notes

let’s get real

Real talk.

Now, I know everyone has problems. Trust me I do, and I am really not that person to change every single status or post something about them, but I do feel the need to tell you guys what’s up with me and my life.

One thing I always want to make sure of with this blog is that I’m being as honest, real and raw with ya’ll.

Now you’re probably all wondering where this gal pal has been. And I can say as of right now, things are great. They are finally looking up and I am in a better place.

But, a couple of months ago? Nah, that girl was a mess.

Now, I wrote a blog post back in February about losing my job. I posted it legitimately an hour or two after losing my job (high-five Megan!). And, I thought after that, things would get better. But, boy, I was wrong.

About a week after losing my job, we put down our family dog Toby (insert emotional melody). Ah, that hurt, but what an amazing 13 years that big boy gave us. I still get emotional thinking about him and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him because he was family. He’ll always be family.

After that, I thought nothing else could possibly go wrong and I started to focus on getting myself a new job and focus on the good times that I had with Toby.

I remember it was a Monday and it was the Bachelor night (who else is obsessed?). I was with my friends and we were talking about loss and I mentioned that when I lose my papa, my heart would just break. Those grandparents just get you. And, just a couple of days later on that Wednesday, I got the call that broke my heart.

I have never lost anyone close to me. I have been there for friends and family who have lost a loved one, but never me, until then. I can’t begin to describe the pain my body felt. I knew it would be bad, but not THAT bad.

As I sit here and write this, I cry. I’m pausing and wiping away the tears because god damn it still hurts. I have stopped and started this post so so so many times, but today felt different; like it was time.

I am doing a lot of freelance work which excites me. It’s taken me months to get to this point (I never thought it would take this long). Things are finally looking up and I can see myself moving forward. My head was clouded for a long time and cookies and chips became my best friends (we’re all guilty of this).

I have all my friends and family to thank for helping me through this time. So thank you so so so much for being the best support system and believing in me.

If you are going through a hard time, just know that you will get through it. I cannot tell you how many times I would wake up and dread that I wasn’t back in dreamland. Remember that you are never alone. Seriously, it’s true.

Like I said at the beginning, I know everyone has problems. Big or small, we all have problems. We should all choose to lift each other up and cheer each other on because you never know who might need it.

I thank you all for listening to me and letting me keep it real.

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